Holy shit. Does anyone else’s kids go nuts on week nights? I get that everything is rushed and you are trying to cram in fifty things within a two hour window, but Jesus Christ!
I picked up the kids from daycare at five o’clock and the drive home was like every other; it started out all fun with lots of laughing and giggling and then turned sour about two blocks from our house.
Ali: “Mom! Carlos has my big this and won’t give it back!”
I turn to look and sure enough Carlos has big this wrapped around his head like a turbin and is laughing uncontrollably with his signature mischievious giggle accompanied by his crinkled nose. It is next to impossible for me not to laugh.
Me: “Carlitos, give Ali back her big this.”
Carlos: “No Mama – no want it!”
Finally Ali just snatches big this back and the two of them continue to yell, cry, laugh and scream. By the time we pull into the driveway my nerves are already shot.
I unload lunches, jackets, kids and head into the kitchen to get lunches made and dinner going. Typically I will put on some music and the kids will play while I cook dinner. Tonight is no different. As I am sauteeing veggies Ali and Carlos are playing on this little couch that Este bought when he was 18 to play video games. You know the kind that are foam and fold out into a make-shift bed? It is covered in that hideous celestial patterned fabric that is navy blue with yellow stars and moons all over it. I just want to throw on Women and Songs cd, light a sage smudge stick and buy some tickets to Lilith Fair – it is like the ’90′s threw up all over it. The kids like to unfold it, climb in and fold it back up on top of them. They call it “camping” – don’t ask me why.
While they were playing a rousing game of “camping”, Ali with her big this and Carlos with his stuffed puppy, I hear quite a commotion brewing from beneath the folded couch.
Carlos: “No Addie! My puppy! My pupppppppppy! MINE!!!!!!!!”
Ali: “I’m just playing with it Carlos. You took my big this in the car, remember?”
At this point in time Ali is smarter than Carlos but he is WAY more physical and will solve his problems with her by brute force. Cut to thirty seconds later when he has stood up, out of the cocoon of the couch and totally tackled her with all of his might. It was like a scene out of WWE where I thought he may break out a metal folding chair to follow-up the tackle if the puppy was not returned to him. He is yelling, Ali is crying, my fucking veggies smell like burnt garlic because I have abondoned them to deal with this melee and it is not even six o’clock yet. This is one of the many reasons I opt for sandwhiches or “tapas” for dinner most nights.
After dinner, in which I stupidly included rice, it was time to clean up and bathe the kids. Any parent of kids under the age of five will know exactly what I mean when I say I curse myself every time I serve rice as I remember just as the first fistful is landing on the floor what a fucking nightmare it is to clean up. It is like the herpes of the kitchen, you can never get rid of it.
After I spent ten minutes picking starchy, smushed rice grains of the floor I decided I just couldn’t face bathing the kids. So I did what any responsible parent would do and I wiped them down with baby wipes and put on their jammies. Ali was asleep within in five minutes and Carlos put up his usual fight.
As I was lying beside him, he decided it would be infinitely funny to grab my nose and twist it extremely hard. This provided him with endless amusement and anger was met with peals of laughter. After the requesite “fuckkkkkk” which, I am shocked he didn’t repeat as he is a total parrot these days, I was done with cuddles and left him to put himself to sleep. There is nothing like two watering eyes and a stinging nose to raise just enough irritation for you to abandon your maternal instincts and leave your kid to cry it out. Just as I was leaving his room he hit me hard with a good one…
Carlos: “Mama? A snuggle?”
Carlos still has a tongue-tie so has a slight lisp which makes anything said with an “s” sound ridiculously cute. As my mother-in-law says, he pronounces things perfectly as if he was from Barthelona. I digress.
The long and the short of it is, that monkey coaxed me back into lying beside him as he stroked my face with his little hand and nuzzled his head into mine before he fell asleep.
God damn it I love my kids. They drive me crazy, but they are mine :)
Now for a few hours of peace and quiet before I am woken up by Carlos multiple times tonight because he has misplaced his choochi.